it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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