who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it because I queefed?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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