just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
