Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love having hate sex.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she peed on how many people?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
