Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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