I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
