A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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