If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
