why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I see more hoeing in ur future
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