How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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