Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
