she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
