it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
