We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
