why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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