Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she peed on how many people?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
