My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
