Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
