Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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