So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
