I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
