i don't like sucking hair
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
