imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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