Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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