Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
