hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
