How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
