you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
