so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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