Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
