definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize