you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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