Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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