btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
well you can't waste a boner
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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