we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
