her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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