Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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