Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
