I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize