As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
