I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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