I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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