I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
