If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
