My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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