My underwear smells like fireworks.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
