The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
