new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
