We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
