trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
