I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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