I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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