dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
