She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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