never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
