tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
