Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
