Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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