MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
