Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
