just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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