Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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