i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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