allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
