So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
