Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
