Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
