My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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