I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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