..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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