dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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