Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
