Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
