Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
