So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
