I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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