It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
