my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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