Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
